A hyperbole... I wish.

I merely don't share serious things about me, serious feelings I have or serious reflections I make. And if i do, i usually tell it in a very informal and superficial manner that you would think I am really not serious. I don't know, but often times, no matter how hard i try to be damn serious in sharing what I feel, i still end up speaking as if there's no big deal, as if despite how terrible my spiel is, i am still okay, and I remain unshaken. Honestly, that really isn't the case. I don't know if all my friends know this, but I am really an emotional type of person. Too emotional that you can easily make me cry. Too emotional that i get attached to things/persons in just a snap. Too emotional that i easily get mad at myself when i do something bad enough to disappoint people around me.  Too emotional that I shed tears for things that happened long time ago and even for things that isn't happening yet.

Now why am i telling all this stuff all of a sudden? It's because right now, I am claiming the right to be emotional.

There are moments that i get to question Him for the life He has given me, but then in general,  I remain very thankful for all the blessings He has given me, especially my wonderful family.

I was raised with such a great spirit of optimism. Since then, I believed that all my dreams will eventually come true especially after graduation. I believed that it is just a matter of time, and not a matter of yes or no, not a matter of failure or success. And so I was merely waiting, waiting for things to change and transform into something better.

But then these past few months everything started to change, and that spirit of optimism gradually ceased to exist. And all those enthusiastic plans began to blur.

Unexpected things happened. And it absolutely caught me off guard. I just don't know how to react on what is happening, that i forced myself to focus on other things instead, I kept myself busy. Yes, I chose to escape reality, but not surprisingly, I failed. However, I wouldn't say that it was a wrong move, because at some point, it did helped me.

I am trying to view things as positive as I can but all those negativity simply prevailed over. It's like a feeling of loss, of disappointment, of distrust, of mistrust, and of anger all  together.

I am not brokenhearted ladies and gentlemen, but I am currently broken. 

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Here's just a very timely quotation I saw.

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.