Definitely challenged.

Let me first say that I am already too tired and too sleepy at this moment but I really want to share what has been my first day as a trainee at the Department of Foreign Affairs.

I arrived there ahead of time however I was already exhausted from the long train ride. Nevertheless, I arrived there with a smile and so much hope that I would get the office that I want – Office of the Protocol and State Visits, sixth floor, main office.

It came to me that some of my classmates that were scheduled ahead of me were assigned on OUMWA, ASEAN and ASPAC. T’was great, I don’t personally want those offices.

And then it was my time.

Knowing that we are distributed in different offices by school I am quite hoping to have a schoolmate with me since those two batches ahead of me consist of two lyceans each UNFORTUNATELY, I have none with me. Yes, I am alone.

When the internship coordinator finally told us what office we will be I partly died ( no, maybe I really died inside). He told us that we'll really have a hectic schedule, meaning we have so many works to do, our office according to him is really always busy. He also told us why we are assigned on that office, and generally because according to our credentials, we are writers. I should say he was wrong for telling that I am a writer (scroll up, I AM JUST A WRITER WANNA BE). But what made him think I am a writer? He thought of that because it came to his attention according to him, that I am a blogger. How did he know? Because he saw it on my Personal History Statement under my … hobbies. So yes, he assigned me in an office technically based on my hobbies. 

Friends, I was assigned on Public Information Services Unit (PISU) and yes it’s still at sixth floor.  I didn’t even know it exists and I suppose that no one from our school chose to be in this office. From the name of the office itself, it seems so-not-open-for-interns however, it is, and this is where I will be for 150 hours.

Now what this office does? Basically this is public diplomacy (if I heard it right, or if I remembered it right). It does all press and photo releases of DFA. THIS IS SO MUCH INTO NEWS I TELL YOU, all news relevant to the Philippines, to the Department and so on. And what is the main rule in this office? All confidential information should of course not go anywhere out. That’s one of the rules that were told to us over and over.

Now let me share how I felt.

I am emotionally, psychologically and mentally harmed. That was exaggerated maybe, but that’s how I felt. I really want to cry at that moment in the office. But don’t get me wrong, they didn’t do anything offensive on me, they were all very welcoming in fact. It’s just that, the feeling was very new to me. And honestly, I was the one making things hard for me. To explain this puzzling things I am saying let me just say that I still lack that CONFIDENCE, SELF-ESTEEM, SELF-REGARD OR WHAT HAVE YOU.

I’m still earning it, I should say.

I am really contemplating to share these things or not. But obviously, I can’t help it.

Here’s the whole picture.

There are four of us assigned in that office

•   one from San Beda, an editor-in-chief an attendee to different Model United Nations in and out of the country, a debater, a future law student and a relative of this one famous political family in the Philippines

•  one from Ateneo de Manila University studying European Studies major in International Relations who studied French in France and also a writer and good speaker.

•   One from St. Scholastica’s College, an elected Student Council President and a News Editor/contributor in their school paper.

•  One from University of the Philippines taking Public Administration.

• And one from Lyceum of the Philippines University Manila a college-based organization president and merely just a writer wanna be.

After introducing ourselves, one of our supervisors told us that their office is really just accepting the best of the best. And from that I asked myself, should I really be here?

I believe I have the right to say that there is so much expected from us. From how I understood it (please don’t get me wrong I am not regarding myself above the others), the coordinator carefully chose the four of us to be in this office and that this office is truly one of the offices being looked up to.

Now should I feel privileged? I don’t know.

*Again, some of you might say I am just exaggerating things, and yes maybe i am. But this is how i really feel.

Desh Afan

The intimidated trainee

Don’t know what to do